is the word i have stuck in my head of the day

i think i must be ovulating because i can’t stop thinking about precious minerals and babies

nuditea:

why do you find contact with another human being tedious just because they are not bleeding for you

my friend invited me to columbia’s all-university graduation but i’m not going unless the speaker is one direction

one time when i was a kid my dad cut his forehead open playing rugby and i had to hold him down on the bathroom floor while my mom glued him back together

life hack: put it in your mouth

wandatinasky:

if you’re so rich, where’s your mountain of horse spines, huh?

wandatinasky:

one time a Hot Mom asked what kind of bike i ride and then touched me on the shoulder and said “i bet you’re really fast,” and the only response i could think of was “yeah, my parents are making me go to catholic school next year,” and then i fixed her front brake and she said goodbye and uncomfortably wished me luck at my new school

realhumanbaby:

When’s a good time to start pulling off my skin and hair in preparation for my body’s dissolution into the dirt underneath my house, I’m not doing anything this afternoon, do you want to hang out? I’m free this afternoon if you want to hang out, I’m not doing anything this afternoon

your anxious pukes will thank you!

richwhitelesbian:

Write The Best Content Of Your Life By Having Constant Panic Attacks And Using Your Mental Instability To Create A Facade Of Creativity And Turn This All Into A Crutch For Your Fragile Ego + Sense Of Self

(via realhumanbaby)