another nanny just told me that her boss and her ward both coughed up wads of my hairs after swimming in my bosses’ pool last summer so i’m glad i made my mark

one time i woke up to find my boss in the kitchen wearing a white above the knee tiered skirt a white camisole and a blue bindi

one time the seven year old got an electric go-kart and the mom told me to not let any of the kids he was having a play date with have a turn on it because he was so excited

one time when i was staying in the hamptons the seven year old’s private tutor gave me a ride to the bus and spent it talking about being put out when her yoga teacher poked the tutor’s boyfriend in his butthole during a yoga session

remember when i taught the kids i nannied how to apply deodorant?

the dad-boss used to leave me notes that said things like “wood oil guest room kids” and “hallway mirror” and i never knew what he meant so i ignored the notes until he stopped leaving them

one time my boss told me that she thinks kids with chinese nannies have speech impediments

one time i got the kids to sniff my armpits because they had been with me when i bought my deodorant

one time the seven year old told me that in ten years he was going to get a knife and he was going to come find me

one time the parents went to italy and when they got back the mom started leaving the spanish-speaking housekeeper notes in italian