When your seventh birthday includes partying in a limo and unlimited candy, I can’t wait to hear about your seventeenth.
Thanks to pussy-strut my facebook wall is the place to watch all the radio hip-hop videos for those privileged enough to be my fbfriendz (yr welcome, sl33pcr33p)
Apparently we had christmas cards made this year. In the picture I’m eating cake. I approve.
Q: How much black on black on black is too much black on black on black?
A: Lol that’s not a thing.
RT @marcdones: I like to sing the monica/brandy song “The Boy is Mine” but replace the word “boy” with “pie.”
“You mad at the umbrella?” - things my roommate says to my cat when she thinks I’m not listening
What dick do I have to suck to be the Man in Man vs. Food? Because if there’s something I enjoy more than fighting food, I don’t know it yet.
Glad I got these sunglasses yesterday because right now it’s really important for me to wear them in bed and not move for a while.
Listen, if you want me to come to yr CMJ showcase at 2:30 in Manhattan, you can’t expect me to wear anything but what I slept in last night.
Listen everyone, you’re not my dad, only these hiccups are my dad.
Consider this my formal apology and retraction.
SO MAD I missed Chad Michael Murray’s book signing on the Upper East Side yesterday, because, um, Chad Michael Murray wrote a book.
