- Peeing in a drug dealer’s bathroom. He gets Bloomberg Businessweek, just like my boss.
- I’m an American eating Mexican food at a restaurant in Canada, I am North America. #americas #fuckyeah
- Found this sandwich in the bathroom but it’s wrapped up so I’m not even mad #omnomnom
Posts tagged tweets.
When your seventh birthday includes partying in a limo and unlimited candy, I can’t wait to hear about your seventeenth.
Apparently we had christmas cards made this year. In the picture I’m eating cake. I approve.
Q: How much black on black on black is too much black on black on black?
A: Lol that’s not a thing.
RT @marcdones: I like to sing the monica/brandy song “The Boy is Mine” but replace the word “boy” with “pie.”
“You mad at the umbrella?” - things my roommate says to my cat when she thinks I’m not listening
What dick do I have to suck to be the Man in Man vs. Food? Because if there’s something I enjoy more than fighting food, I don’t know it yet.
- a: Surrounded by White Dudes Smoking Shitty Weed: A Memoir #bluescholars #nyc #goodshowtho #theannapilarstory
- m: I Took Advil and Whiskey and Cried During Battlestar Galactica #memoirtitles
Glad I got these sunglasses yesterday because right now it’s really important for me to wear them in bed and not move for a while.
Listen, if you want me to come to yr CMJ showcase at 2:30 in Manhattan, you can’t expect me to wear anything but what I slept in last night.
Listen everyone, you’re not my dad, only these hiccups are my dad.
Remember all those things I said about wearing leggings as pants? I was so, so wrong about all of them. Werk it y’all
Consider this my formal apology and retraction.